Business owner of Weather TAP, Robert Parsons, 52, of Crossville, Tennessee was slain on New Year’s Eve, ending a decades-long feud with the Grim Reaper. Robert had a habit of cheating death with the grace of a one-legged cat on roller skates, but alas the Reaper finally sent in pancreatic cancer to finish the job.

Despite surviving crashes involving a car, airplane, motorcycle, and a horse (which he maintained was the horse’s fault), Robert couldn’t outrun the Reaper forever. Born on March 3rd to Brenda and Larry Parsons, he excelled at turning small problems into big ones—a talent that served him well as an engineer and hobbyist beekeeper.

Robert could fix anything, charm anyone, and eat an entire bottle of hot sauce from his homegrown peppers—all at once. His hobbies included skydiving (parachutes optional) and grilling with a flame thrower.

True story: As the hearse arrived, his cat, Witchet, attempted to leap inside to guide him to the afterlife, ancient Egypt-style. Her fierce dedication earned her a spot near his urn when the reaper comes for her as well.

A celebration of Robert’s life will be held on January 11, at Family Time Venue at 1:30 PM assuming no one crashes the hearse. In lieu of flowers, the family ask that you do something dangerous today and toast to Robert when you survive—because that’s what he would’ve done.

Rest in peace, Robert. May your afterlife have no speed limits.